No one likes reading the work of an anguished writer writing about how anguishing it is to be an anguished writer. And yet here we are, you, wondering when the wellness advice will begin, and me, agonizing self-indulgently over the next 1,000 words. Words that will be immortalized forever in the annals of Michigan Bar Journal history. The importance of the task overwhelmed me – I felt stuck, frozen and unable to type a single word. My analysis paralysis only began to subside when I started looking at things realistically: two months from now, hardly anyone will remember having read this column. With that change in perspective, the words began to gently glide forth.
This idea of “zooming out” is not novel or unique – peruse any fitness or lifestyle blog and you’re bound to come across advice questioning “Will your problem matter five minutes from now? How about five days?” Nor is the concept of the spotlight effect – the psychological concept that posits humans overestimate the extent to which they are noticed by others. When I combined the two ideas, I was beset with confidence and felt less inundated by pressure. My reaction to this complex task was not atypical. After all, avoidance is a natural evolutionary reaction – it encompasses two-thirds of our fight, flight, or freeze responses, and is a major reason why we as humans rose to become the dominant species on this planet. Early Homo sapiens who heeded their anxious instincts were more likely to survive and pass on their genes and, unfortunately, modern humans can’t turn our instincts off just because we’ve risen to the top of the food chain.
Even more unfortunately, society now demands that we push aside these instincts and remain functional. Zooming out proved to be my antidote to catastrophizing this time around, but here are a few more strategies I regularly employ when faced with a task that feels overwhelming. The first is a familiar technique with a few added wrinkles, namely, breaking the overwhelming task down into a series of small, more manageable tasks. For added effectiveness, after you’ve broken the task down, try setting a time limit for each task. If that isn’t feasible, scheduling time on your calendar for each mini-task is a great time management tool.
Radical acceptance is another mental tactic that can help when the work begins to feel miserable. A concept of dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), radical acceptance encourages us to acknowledge our discomfort, and then move on. Rather than ruminate on the subject, it is often more helpful to accept a lack of control over the situation and make an intentional choice to act anyway. Lamentations are a great tool to elicit validation from others, but they rarely contribute to getting the job done. This philosophy is deeply embedded in organizations such as Alcoholics Anonymous and other Twelve-Step groups, who pray for “Serenity to accept the things [they] cannot change,” though I prefer the straightforwardness of friends who served in the U.S. military, who taught me to “embrace the suck.” It’s also important to note that radical acceptance does not equate to apathy or nihilism; rather, it’s a conscious choice not to waste energy on matters beyond our control.
While radical acceptance is a great way to avoid making our discomfort worse, it doesn’t do much for us in terms of diminishing that discomfort. Since stress has been proven to diminish our executive functioning (self-control, memory, and flexibility), it’s important that we have ways to comfort ourselves. Enter another key lesson from DBT: Self-soothing through senses. By engaging our five senses with pleasant sensations, it can help ease stress and thus ensure that you’re operating at your full mental capacity. This is a coping skill that is going to look differently for each person, but here are a few examples anyway:
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Vision: Focus on a piece of artwork pleasing to your eye, and reflect briefly on what makes it so pleasant. Look at an old photo of a happy memory.
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Hearing: Music is a great way to ease stress and improve your mood. If that isn’t an option, take a moment and do nothing but listen to the sounds around you – focus on the quietest sound you can hear.
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Smell: Identify fragrances that are pleasant to you. For some, it may be as easy as perfume or flowers, while others may find smells such as fresh baked goods, cooking meat, or even the smell of fresh air calms their agitation.
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Taste: Pick something to eat that won’t tempt you to overindulge. Remember, when you’re stressed, your self-control is not at peak power, and there’s no use trading stress for guilt and a stomachache.
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Touch: Easily the most flexible of the senses. Some may find simply applying lotion or hand sanitizer can pleasantly engage their sense of touch. Others may seek out a textured material they find pleasing (silk, satin, suede, denim, corduroy, nylon, etc.). For some, temperature might be what engages their sense of touch – a cool and smooth material such as ceramic or metal, or the warmth of a beloved pet.
One last important note to consider: If you find yourself regularly distressed to the point that you’re using specific coping strategies on a daily basis, it may be indicative of a bigger problem. The State Bar of Michigan Lawyers and Judges Assistance Program (LJAP) exists to help legal professionals pursue greater health and well-being by offering confidential free services such as consultations or referrals to credentialed therapists vetted by LJAP staff. LJAP also hosts a free confidential virtual support group on Wednesday evenings between 6-7 p.m. Should you find yourself needing outside help, call the confidential LJAP helpline at (800) 996-5522 or send an e-mail to contactLJAP@michbar.org.